Hello, Newman.

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thoreau
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Hello, Newman.

Post by thoreau »

After Seinfeld references came up in another thread, I realized that with the election hinging on the US Postal Service there could be a great Seinfeld episode premise.

The election hinges on the US Postal Service. Newman assures everyone that, on his honor as a mail carrier, he will allow neither rain nor snow to stop democracy. Jerry can't believe the election hinges on this idiot. Kramer keeps saying there's nothing to worry about.

George, always looking for work, is interviewing for a job at Trump Tower. He has to keep explaining that it's not a job with Trump, it's just a company that's in Trump Tower.

George's father Frank Costanza is adamant that in this election he'll do what he always does and cast a write-in vote for some obscure NYC political figure. His wife keeps telling him he can't do this because the guy's dead. He starts yelling that he's been doing it for FORTY YEARS AND I'M NOT GONNA STOP NOW!

Rand Paul does a cameo to pay homage to Festivus. Frank still isn't changing his vote.

Newman announces that he has a secret weapon: In his big piles of undelivered mail from the last several years there are a few election cycles' worth of undelivered ballots. Jerry points out that they won't count and Kramer explains that they have a special thing that can erase old postmarks and then they can put in new ones. Michael Dukakis ends up winning the precincts in Newman's neighborhood.

Elaine is upset because this guy she's dating looks a little like Sean Spicer but he's not actually like Sean Spicer and she doesn't know how to bring this up without sounding weird.

Jerry books a gig that turns out to be at a property that Trump might buy. He feels weird about it.

George gets the job at the company in Trump Tower. During his lunch break on the first day, walking down the street he sees Elaine's boyfriend and makes a "spicy" joke. The guy is offended and gets into a fight with George. Somebody from the company sees this. George is worried that he'll be fired. He's fine. Then he and Jerry are heading out when they hear a Trump impersonator say "You're fired." They turn around, their eyes go wide, and the show ends.
" Columbus wasn’t a profile in courage or brilliance despite the odds, he was a dumb motherfucker that got lucky. Oddly, that makes him the perfect talisman for the Trump era."
--Mo
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Ellie
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Joined: 21 Apr 2010, 18:34

Re: Hello, Newman.

Post by Ellie »

Jerry is dating a woman who always wears a red ballcap. It's not a MAGA hat, but it looks enough like one to be weird, right? On the other hand, the sex is fantastic. Elaine asks if his girlfriend tries to wear the hat DURING sex. Jerry declines to answer. George rhapsodizes that more people should wear ballcaps during sex -- it keeps it casual, and who doesn't like baseball? Kramer posits that she has something wrong with the top of her head and wears the hat to hide it. "You know, she's one of THOSE people." "No, I don't know." Jerry is getting more and more embarrassed to be seen in public with her, and keeps debating whether to break up with her. In the end, she dumps him because her friend saw him buying Goya beans at the bodega and now she's too embarrassed to keep dating a secret Trump supporter.
"Yours is the much better comeback." -JD
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thoreau
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Re: Hello, Newman.

Post by thoreau »

Ellie wrote: 27 Sep 2020, 02:07 Jerry is dating a woman who always wears a red ballcap. It's not a MAGA hat, but it looks enough like one to be weird, right? On the other hand, the sex is fantastic. Elaine asks if his girlfriend tries to wear the hat DURING sex. Jerry declines to answer. George rhapsodizes that more people should wear ballcaps during sex -- it keeps it casual, and who doesn't like baseball? Kramer posits that she has something wrong with the top of her head and wears the hat to hide it. "You know, she's one of THOSE people." "No, I don't know." Jerry is getting more and more embarrassed to be seen in public with her, and keeps debating whether to break up with her. In the end, she dumps him because her friend saw him buying Goya beans at the bodega and now she's too embarrassed to keep dating a secret Trump supporter.
I would contribute to this kickstarter.
" Columbus wasn’t a profile in courage or brilliance despite the odds, he was a dumb motherfucker that got lucky. Oddly, that makes him the perfect talisman for the Trump era."
--Mo
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Kolohe
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Joined: 06 May 2010, 10:51

Re: Hello, Newman.

Post by Kolohe »

That was so spot on Ellie.
when you wake up as the queen of the n=1 kingdom and mount your steed non sequiturius, do you look out upon all you survey and think “damn, it feels good to be a green idea sleeping furiously?" - dhex
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Ellie
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Joined: 21 Apr 2010, 18:34

Re: Hello, Newman.

Post by Ellie »

*bows* Thank you, thank you.

(Seriously though, thanks you two, that makes me feel really good!)
"Yours is the much better comeback." -JD
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thoreau
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Re: Hello, Newman.

Post by thoreau »

How about something where they argue over whether the woman they saw at the restaurant is Melania, and finally conclude that she would never order such a big salad.
" Columbus wasn’t a profile in courage or brilliance despite the odds, he was a dumb motherfucker that got lucky. Oddly, that makes him the perfect talisman for the Trump era."
--Mo
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JasonL
Posts: 25475
Joined: 05 May 2010, 17:22

Re: Hello, Newman.

Post by JasonL »

Ellie wrote: 27 Sep 2020, 02:07 Jerry is dating a woman who always wears a red ballcap. It's not a MAGA hat, but it looks enough like one to be weird, right? On the other hand, the sex is fantastic. Elaine asks if his girlfriend tries to wear the hat DURING sex. Jerry declines to answer. George rhapsodizes that more people should wear ballcaps during sex -- it keeps it casual, and who doesn't like baseball? Kramer posits that she has something wrong with the top of her head and wears the hat to hide it. "You know, she's one of THOSE people." "No, I don't know." Jerry is getting more and more embarrassed to be seen in public with her, and keeps debating whether to break up with her. In the end, she dumps him because her friend saw him buying Goya beans at the bodega and now she's too embarrassed to keep dating a secret Trump supporter.
This is really good.
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thoreau
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Re: Hello, Newman.

Post by thoreau »

" Columbus wasn’t a profile in courage or brilliance despite the odds, he was a dumb motherfucker that got lucky. Oddly, that makes him the perfect talisman for the Trump era."
--Mo
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Ellie
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Joined: 21 Apr 2010, 18:34

Re: Hello, Newman.

Post by Ellie »

Țhat was excellent.
"Yours is the much better comeback." -JD
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